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i think your doing something wrong.
I know with my threat management after the first 30 sec threat really isnt an issue. if your popping defensive CD's within the first 30sec vengeance will build up more slowly so be aware of that. In some boss fights where the boss has a threat drop or if your unlucky enough to miss alot you should be using your salv regularly. i find only DK's and warriors even get close on threat and a salv in the first 30sec cures it all.
So my advise would be to check out your spec/gear and rotation. if all is good and you have some heavy weight dpsers in your grp just throw salvs around.
to your last point, YES the dps should always watch their threat against the tank. dead dps do 0 dps.